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Catz are Nutz


After many years of careful observation, I’ve finally gathered proof-positive that cats are stark raving nucking futz. Or a lot smarter than we are. Or both.

As conclusive evidence, I present Exhibit A:


Now this looks like a common ordinary can of chili and a dirty bowl. Well yeah, I guess it is. But it’s also proof that catz are nutz!

Observe closely the bottom of the can. Notice how clean it is? That’s because Bob has used his incredible talent for dipping stuff out of cans with his paw to clean the bottom and sides. So far so good, smart cat and all that. Here’s the nutz part. That bowl was sitting right beside the can most of the time! He chose to work the can instead of enjoying the open bowl.

Here’s how this evolved. I was jonesing for some canned chili (see I am a nerd) so I got one out. Bob starts his normal caterwauling like he does any time I open a can. After all, it’s in a can so it must be for him.

We do the Tijuna Tap Dance (where he does figure eights through my legs and I try not to step on him.) while I nuke up the chili. Bob’s never been particularly interested in chili before but what the heck? Let him give it a shot. I put the can on the floor and Bob goes to town.

I’m enjoying the chili and the purple pill that always goes with it when I notice how earnestly Bob’s working the can. “OK”, I thinks, “Bob’s my best bud so let’s give him a treat”. I leave some chili in the bowl and sit it down right beside the can.

What does Bob do? He steps a few paces away and gives me The Butt.

The Butt

The Butt is Bob’s way of showing particular disgust with something his human has done. Tail up, butt pointed toward human, head turned back to make sure his signal is being observed.

Confident that I’ve been duly chastised, he strolls back over and starts working the can again! Nutz, I tell you, Nutz!

After 12 years of observing this creature, I’ve figured out something about the Creation of the Universe. I’m convinced that at Big-Bang-plus-4-Days, God was sitting around with the Rastas talking comparative religions and enjoying some fine ganja that He’d just created. They were trippin’ and tokin’ and trippin’ and tokin’ and…. “Cat” popped into God’s brain. He tells the Rastas, “Duuuuuud, I got this faaaaar out idea. I’m gonna invent “man” in a couple days and give him paradise. I’m in a jokin’ mood so I’m going to give him “cat” to drive him nutz. Maybe I’ll make mosquitoes to help things along.”

That’s verbatim how it happened. Honest.

Posted by neonjohn on June 15th, 2007 under Funny

4 Responses to “Catz are Nutz”

  1. AlS Says:

    Looks like the ol’ instinctive “critter in a hole” behavior. You wouldn’t have wanted that snapping turtle so much if it had been EASY, would you? Bob is just about as reasonable; he’s just having fun, playing with his food.

  2. neonjohn Says:

    Naw, I’d have probably been bored that day had the turtle been easy. I certainly wouldn’t have had the tale to tell.

    I didn’t quite roar with laughter at Bob’s antics but I did chuckle. He’s sittin’ here right now giving me The Look. I think he knows I’m talking about him.


  3. AlS Says:

    As I read your comments, our latest critter, a 10-weeks (+ -) kitten, was tearing me up & making tracks on the keyboard. Good fun, at least for her.

  4. lynn bell Says:

    wounder if catz would like to play with my friend zeak . he’ll do things of the sort . but I FIND JUST THROW HIM A biscute he’ll be just fine utill the mayor brings half gallon of vellia ice cream bye(:

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